Before I get a little bit too deep for my own good, I wanna give a shout out to three people.
- Megan: thanks for telling me you check my blog every day and you wanted me to post something.
- Kaitlyn: thanks for getting me a pen and paper at two in the morning when I had a blog post idea and needed to write it all down before I forgot.
- You know who you are (but maybe you don’t…so whoever is reading this: if the shoe fits wear it)
I shall refer to this post as “A word on the term “closure”, among other random feelings I’m putting into words”. Now let’s begin.
On May 11, 2013 at around 9 AM I received one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard. The only reason I know the date is because I tweeted something lame and ambiguous after I heard it (pictured below). I don’t remember everything about the day…weather/occasion/what the context of the conversation even was completely but I remember I was in the passenger seat while my dad and I were driving on Cherryville Hollow Road, the road right off of my cul-de-sac.
What he said to me was simple: Closure does not exist. Closure is just looking to see if there are any more openings.
I was 15 at the time, it was four days before my sixteenth birthday. At the time, it had absolutely no relevancy to my existence and yet it stuck with me. I don’t know why or how I remember it so verbatim…maybe that’s the universe’s way of telling me I would write about it one day and share it with others or something but either way LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS.
When I think of the term closure I think of two people that used to be friends, lovers, whatever, and after their relationship with each other ends they feel the need to meet up again, talk about what went wrong, and find ~closure~. Ugh. Sounds like an overdone rom-com scene, all you need to add in is a dramatic chase through the airport.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done this before in the past and I’m sure I’ll do it again in the future but when you think about it it’s such a sad, stupid concept. Both parties go into these conversations knowing that things have ended, and yet the conversation is taking place to see if maybe, just maybe, someone will admit they did something wrong or they’ll realize it was all a mistake and they should be friends/lovers/whatever again but usually nothing gets accomplished and one person or even both people leave the conversation that was SUPPOSED to be closure with even more of an open wound.
I guess what I’m getting at is that if someone leaves your life…let them. On the other hand if you pushed someone away, there was probably a reason you did it at the time that you did so let it stay that way.
Being in the weird limbo between childhood and legitimate adulthood that is college has taught me one thing above all others; not everyone is going to be in your life forever. You’re not even gonna be in your own life forever (newsflash we’re all gonna die, sorry if you didn’t know).
Going to a high school of over 3,000 students taught me that you absolutely will not please everyone and be friends with everyone and that’s okay. Going to college I saw that there were other people that had never learned this important lesson so I am saying it right now, again, in bold and italics to drive the point home.
You absolutely will not please everyone and be friends with everyone and that’s okay.
This is why I believe that the most important thing in one’s life is to put themselves first. Let people out of your life to allow for personal growth on both ends. You will be okay without them if not now, then soon. Do what you must in order to please yourself. You are your own biggest advocate.
Call me a cynic, but at the end of the day no one has your back the way you should have your own. Yeah, there’s people who love you unconditionally (your parents, siblings, extended family, your dog…even when you accidentally step on their tail) but you are the only person that knows every inch of your own being… you must fight for the ability to give yourself the best life possible.
It’s weird to think that no one can ever know you the way that you know you. As much as you would like to think that there is someone out there who you are connected to from a past life that will understand all of your wants, needs, dreams, and idiosyncrasies it’s just not possible. Maybe, at some points in your life there is someone that knows you in such a way. But when it comes down to it and you’re nearing death there will not be someone that knows what it felt like the first time your heart was broken, how it felt the first time you were truly proud of yourself, no one will know the weird recurring dream you had throughout your whole life, no one will know all of the things that seemed irrelevant when they happened but made up the entirety of you. No one will know all of these things except for you.
Take that in for a second.
You know yourself better than anyone else, which is probably why so many people are so hard on themselves. But to me, that means that you should also be your own biggest fan. You might see your bad qualities more than others do, but that doesn’t give you a reason to be blind to your good qualities. Self love is so unbelievably important. Reflection is equally important.
I am making it my goal for the summer to do things that make me happy without feeling gluttonous. You are allowed to cheer yourself on while you make your way through your crazy, beautiful life, people! And anyone that looks at you funny because of the way you carry yourself is not someone you need to keep around.
In all honestly I don’t know what the purpose of this blog post was. It was a lot of rambling on but it made me feel better about things that I didn’t even know were bothering me until I wrote them. Is this too much information? Probably. But writing is all about vulnerability, anyway.
Pretty much the basis of it all is to make yourself a priority, become in touch with the things that make you who you are, appreciate your individuality, acknowledge your faults but don’t let them overcome you. Become someone that the person you were at the worst part of your life would be proud of.
I’m done rambling now. You can go back to doing whatever you were doing before you clicked on this link.